An Unusual Alliance
by Shadowblade217
Summary: When Vegeta, Future Trunks and Piccolo are suddenly transported into another universe, the last thing they expected to encounter was a certain wisecracking vampire. When a Nazi vampire army threatens human civilization, this unlikely team must join forces with the Hellsing Organization to save the world. Crossover between TeamFourStar's DBZ Abridged and Hellsing Ultimate Abridged.
1. Screwing with the Natural Order

**Disclaimer: ****The following is a non-profit, fan-based parody. Dragon Ball, Dragon Ball Z, Dragon Ball GT and their respective franchises are the property of Funimation, Toei Animation, Fuji TV and Akira Toriyama. Hellsing Ultimate is owned by Koura Hirano and Studio Madhouse, and licensed by Geneon, Madman Entertainment, Manga Entertainment, and Funimation. Dragon Ball Z Abridged and Hellsing Ultimate Abridged are the property of TeamFourStar and Takahata101. Please support the official and unofficial release.**

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**An Unusual Alliance**

**Chapter 1: Screwing with the Natural Order**

.

_Planet Earth, Hellsing Universe, 2006_

_**An extract from the mission report of Operative Alucard**_

_Now, I know what you're thinking: "How did all of this come about?"_

_Well, it all started on a midnight stroll through the woods. The air was clear, the moon was full. I was _dying_ to sink my teeth into something._

_Get it? Because I'm a vampire. Muahahahahaha…_

_It's funny._

_Anyway, things were going fairly normally – or as normal as they ever do for me, anyway… right up until those weird flying guys showed up._

_That's when it got… weird._

.

_Planet Earth, Dragon Ball Universe, Age 767_

"RAAAAAAHHH!"

The roar shook the barren wastelands, as a massive explosion of light blasted outwards, shattering several large rock formations.

After a long moment, the rumbling died down, and the light faded. A single figure hung in the air where one of the largest rock formations had been moments earlier.

Vegeta, prince of the Saiyan race, dropped to the ground, flexing his arms as he glared around. The golden aura of his Super Saiyan transformation swirled around him, stirring up the dust and rubble that his energy blast had created.

It had been less than a day since the battle between the Z-Fighters and the androids, and Vegeta hadn't gotten over it yet. The embarrassment of having the ever-loving crap kicked out of him – by Android 18, a _girl_, no less – had left him absolutely livid, and he'd decided to take out his frustration on this wasteland.

Deciding to take a break from training, he sat on a large, roughly flat chunk of rubble, and began to carry out another of his favorite training activities; namely, rationalizing his actions.

"No, you see, _I_ didn't f*ck up," he muttered to himself. "I just underestimated her. I'll admit; I went in a little too overconfident. But _of course_ I was a little overconfident. I mean, have you met me? I'm _me!_ I'm a big deal!"

He clenched his hands into fists, glaring at the ground. "And you know who's really at fault here?" His eyes narrowed. "_The boy._"

Vegeta hopped up and began pacing in a circle, his ranting slowly increasing in volume as the thoughts of his time-traveling son from the future fueled his rage. "'_Oh, the future is so bad!_' Well, maybe it wouldn't be so bad if you weren't such a pansy-ass!"

Coming to a halt, he tilted his head back, glaring upwards at the sky as his golden aura flared to life around him. "Now, once I get back in the game, and destroy those metal brats–"

And that was when the entire world turned upside down.

A blinding white light flashed from every direction at once, blinding him. A moment later, a deafening rushing sound, like the roar of a flooding river, echoed in his ears, and he felt a sudden falling sensation, as if the ground had suddenly vanished from under his feet. The strange feeling intensified, as if he was being pulled by a powerful current, faster and faster.

"_What – the hell – is – happening?!_" Vegeta roared. He could barely hear his own voice, even though he was shouting at the top of his lungs.

And then, just as suddenly as it began, the rushing sound, the blinding light, and the falling sensation vanished… only for Vegeta to realize that he was plummeting straight into the middle of a forest.

In the moment before impact, he caught a glimpse of the sky overhead. Bizarrely, it appeared to be the middle of the night, although it had been midday right before the blinding flash of light.

Vegeta frowned. _What in the…_

That was when he slammed into the ground, and everything went black.

.

_About five minutes later…_

Vegeta opened his eyes, to find himself staring up at a star-filled night sky through the branches of several tall trees. He sat up slowly, rubbing his aching head, and realized that he was lying in a deep crater in the forest floor.

As he looked off to his left, the first sight that greeted him was a second crater a few yards away, and a third off to his right.

"Uh… ow, my head," a familiar voice muttered from the crater on his left. "What the hell was that?"

Vegeta's eyes widened. _Is that the Namekian?_

Sure enough, Piccolo sat up, looking around with a confused expression on his face. When he saw Vegeta, he scowled. "Oh, great."

"What the hell just happened?" Vegeta snapped.

"How should I know? One second I'm flying over to Gingertown; the next second there's a flash of light, and I slam into the ground. And…" Piccolo looked up at the sky in puzzlement. "Wait, what the hell? It wasn't night before, it was the middle of the day!"

"Uhhh…" The pained groan came from the third crater. "What… what happened?"

Piccolo's eyes widened in surprise. "Trunks?"

Vegeta's head snapped around, staring incredulously at the crater. "Trunks?!"

The adolescent half-Saiyan from the future crawled out of the impact crater, shaking his head repeatedly to clear his vision. "What _was_ that?" he mumbled. "I was leaving to check out what was going on in Gingertown, and then…" He blinked, looking up at Vegeta and Piccolo. "Where are we?"

"Actually, that's a very good question," Piccolo decided. "What kind of place is this?"

"How the hell should I know?" Vegeta countered.

Trunks looked around uneasily, adjusting his purple Capsule Corporation jacket. "I can't sense anyone around here, but I think there are some people off that way." He pointed off into the forest."

Piccolo's eyes narrowed as he looked in the direction that Trunks was pointing, as he used his acute hearing in an attempt to pinpoint any sounds in that direction.

After a few seconds, his eyes opened wide in surprise, and he took a step back involuntarily.

Vegeta and Trunks turned to face him in surprise.

"Uh, Piccolo?" Trunks asked. "What is it?"

Piccolo's gaze flicked over to him. "Okay, I've got good news and bad news. Which do you want to hear first?"

"Ah… good news," Trunks decided.

"Well, the good news is, you're right; there's definitely a bunch of people that way. I can hear them."

"So what's the bad news?" Vegeta spoke up.

Piccolo sighed. "The bad news is, most of them are screaming."

Trunks gulped audibly.

.

The three fighters quickly took to the air, flying directly towards the source of the people that Piccolo had heard. The night was illuminated by a huge full moon, which seemed to be hanging in the sky overhead.

It didn't take them long to reach the location; a small town. Several of the houses were in flames, and the occasional scream echoed through the night.

"Oh, God damn it," Piccolo muttered under his breath.

As they approached the town, Trunks noticed that most of the inhabitants seemed to be gathered together in the center of town, although their energy signatures seemed to be oddly faint, as if they'd been muffled by something. Pulling slightly ahead, he called back, "Follow me!" and made a rapid descent, landing lightly behind a house near the crowd's location.

As Piccolo and Vegeta landed behind him, Trunks crept forwards and peered around the corner of the house, just in time to see a large group of people standing a few yards away. They were gathered around a man dressed in the attire of a priest, who was holding a struggling blond girl in his arms. Bizarrely, their eyes were glowing with a sickly purple light; many of them were covered in blood, and had visible injuries on their bodies; and they all appeared to have fangs.

"_Why are we hiding?_" Vegeta demanded in a hiss, only to cut off abruptly when he saw the transformed people.

"What the hell is going on here?" Piccolo said out loud to no one in particular.

Then, to their surprise, someone else appeared in the clearing, striding out of the forest.

He was a tall, thin man, well over six feet in height. He wore a full-length red trenchcoat, as well as a large red hat and glowing orange glasses that concealed his face. His skin, where it was visible on his hands and neck, was ghostly pale.

Piccolo frowned. _And who the hell is this?_

The man strolled casually across the clearing, completely ignoring the transformed people around him, and came to a halt directly in front of the man dressed as a priest.

"So, you came," the priest hissed in a harsh, rasping voice. "Too bad you're _far_ too late."

The man in the trenchcoat tilted his head. "What?" His voice was the opposite; a deep, smooth, cultured baritone.

"Everyone else is already dead," the priest replied. He grinned sadistically, showing that his teeth were actually long, dagger-like fangs. "Except this little tart." He tightened his grip on the girl as she continued trying to get away. "But, trust me, I still plan to kill her."

The guy in the trenchcoat hadn't reacted in any way to this statement. "Mm-hmm."

"But first…" The priest chuckled. "I'm going to rape her!"

"Neat."

"But before I can do any of that, I'm going to kill _you!_"

The man in the trenchcoat removed his glasses, revealing that, beneath the orange lenses, his eyes were glowing bright red. "Oh?" His eyes narrowed. "See, that _would_ be intimidating, if you were… well, intimidating."

"Grrr…" The priest's hands clenched into fists. "_Are you mocking me?!_"

"Oh, no! No, no, no, no…" The man in the trenchcoat grinned, revealing that he also had fangs. "_Pfft…_ Yeah." With that, he produced an oversized pistol from inside the trenchcoat, moving so fast that the action was only a blur. He lifted the pistol and fired, blowing a hole through the right side of the hostage's chest and straight through the priest's heart.

_*"Shot through the heart!"*_

Both the girl and the priest crumpled to the ground.

Immediately, the group of purple-eyed villagers charged, but the red-clad man vanished in a blur. He reappeared with an explosion of blood, carving effortlessly through the crowd. The sounds of his gun firing repeatedly echoed through the air, each shot dropping another of the creatures.

Trunks flinched, his eyes wide in alarm and a rapidly increasing nausea at the sight of the brutal carnage.

Vegeta, for his part, actually seemed intrigued. "I like his style," he commented.

"You would," Piccolo replied flatly.

"What's that supposed to mean?!"

From start to finish, it took the tall, pale man less than a minute to slaughter every last one of the purple-eyed monsters. He came to a halt in front of the fallen girl, straightened up and holstered his gun with an amused smile. "Well, that should about wrap things up here," he said, putting his orange glasses back on.

"Unh…" the girl gasped, blood leaking from the corners of her mouth. "Gah…"

The pale man looked down at her in surprise. "Oh, yeah, forgot about you. Sorry about that whole 'shooting you' thing, but I know, if you look deep into your heart…" He glanced around. "Which is currently all over that tree… you'll find a way to forgive me."

The girl made a soft whimpering noise, which was cut off by another gurgling gasp of pain.

"Aw, jeez; you look like a puppy!" the pale man complained. "A blonde, eviscerated puppy!"

The girl whimpered again.

"Christ, fine, I'll help you!" the pale man snapped. "But only because you've got nice tits."

As they watched, the pale man kneeled beside the girl, placing an arm around her shoulders, and – to their astonishment, and Trunks's horror – he opened his mouth and sank his fangs into her neck.

"No!" Trunks yelled. He burst out from behind the building and rocketed forward towards the pale man, drawing one fist back to strike.

"Oh, God damn it!" Piccolo snapped, launching himself after Trunks. Vegeta was right behind him.

.

Just as Alucard bit into the police girl's neck, waiting for the bite to take effect and begin her transition, the sound of a yell reached his keen ears.

"Huh?" He turned, just as a hurtling fist slammed into his face, knocking him backwards and sending him tumbling across the clearing.

The vampire rolled to a stop and jumped to his feet, just in time to see a young guy with lavender hair standing protectively over the girl. Obviously, he was the owner of that fist.

"What was that for?" Alucard protested.

"Stay away from her!" the kid yelled, entering some kind of fighting stance.

"Oh, for the love of…" Alucard sighed. "I really don't have time for this right now. If I'm not back by midnight, my supervisor is going to blow a gasket. Not that I don't enjoy causing that, but it's _suuuper_ annoying when she lectures me about it. So, as much as I'd enjoy killing you, could we do this another time?"

The kid stared at him for a moment, dumbstruck. "I… _what?_"

"If you don't mind, that is." The vampire smiled faintly. "Also, I really need to finish with that girl, so if you wouldn't mind–"

"No way in hell!" the kid snarled, instantly back on his guard. "I'm not letting you near her again!"

"Well, if you don't, she's going to die," Alucard replied honestly. "I was about to save her, when _somebody_ decided to punch me in the face. So, you can either let me do help her, or I can go _through_ you – literally. Fair warning; it'll be violent. _Very_ violent."

"Trunks, back off!" another voice called, as a tall guy with green skin, wearing a purple outfit, a white cape with shoulder pads, and a turban, appeared behind the purple-haired kid. It took Alucard a second to realize that he had dropped from overhead.

Alucard raised an eyebrow. "Wow, someone with even worse fashion sense than me. That's neat."

"Hey!" the green guy exclaimed in irritation.

Privately, Alucard thought, _I must overcome this man. I have a fashion rival, and I must vanquish him. Also, just as an observation; he's a green, flying man with a cape and turban, and that's fucking weird._

"Okay, so are we going to fight, talk, or what?" another male voice interrupted, as a short guy with spiked-up black hair dropped out of the air and landed next to the purple-haired boy.

_And now this one can fly too,_ Alucard observed with interest. _Huh._

"Honestly, I'm open to either one," he replied. "But, either way, I'd like to save that girl's life first."

.

Upon hearing the pale man's request, Vegeta shrugged. "Yeah, sure, go ahead. Whatever."

Trunks gawked at him incredulously. "But, Dad–"

"Oh, just _relax_, would you?" the Saiyan prince snapped. He nodded to the pale man, pulling Trunks away from the girl. "All yours."

The pale man grinned. "Thanks." He walked across to the girl, crouched down beside her, picked her up, and bit into her neck again.

Trunks winced, turned and looked away.

"So, not to sound rude, but biting her neck doesn't exactly seem like something that would save someone's life," Piccolo pointed out.

The pale man pulled back for a moment. "Well, if you must know, I'm a vampire, and she's dying, so the only way I can help her is by turning her into a vampire. Which I am now doing." With that, he bit down on her neck again.

Vegeta groaned audibly. "You have _got_ to be kidding me," he muttered.

"Wait, wait, wait," Piccolo replied. "You're a _vampire?_"

"Well, do I look human to you?" the pale man mumbled, before biting down again.

Vegeta considered that for a moment, and then shook his head. "Uh… yeah, I'm gonna go with _no_."

"Well, then there's your answer," the pale man replied promptly. "Now, for the love of Christ, _let me finish in peace_, would you?"

.

Once the pale man – the vampire, that is – was finished with the process of turning the girl into a vampire, he led the way back through the forest, carrying her unconscious body in his arms. Vegeta, Trunks and Piccolo followed, not sure why they'd chosen to accompany him.

"So, where exactly are we going?" Piccolo spoke up.

"My home," the vampire replied. "Don't worry, you're with me; the guards shouldn't cause you any trouble." He glanced back at them. "By the way, I saw you flying back there; how did you do that?"

"Long story," the Namekian countered.

The vampire shrugged. "Fair enough. Can I get your names, though? Might help when I have to explain to my boss why I brought the three of you along."

"Yeah, that's fine. I'm Piccolo, this is Vegeta, and that's Trunks." Piccolo indicated each of the other two as he spoke. "And what's _your_ name?"

A grin flickered across the vampire's face. "Alucard. Head operative of the Hellsing Organization, immortal vampire, defender of the world from evil, and – my own personal favorite – bitch-master extraordinaire." He smirked, shaking Piccolo's hand. "Pleasure to meet you."

"Same to you."

.

_AN: Hello, everyone, and welcome to my newest story, _An Unusual Alliance_! Now, as some of you may be noticing, this isn't exactly a serious crossover between Dragon Ball Z and Hellsing Ultimate; instead, this is actually a parody crossover. This story is a crossover between two famous Abridged parody series; TeamFourStar's _DBZ Abridged_ and _Hellsing Ultimate Abridged_. I only got into watching Hellsing Ultimate Abridged fairly recently, and when I saw it for the first time, I randomly got an idea; "What would happen if these two shows had a crossover?" And so, I decided to write one. Unfortunately, this story will have a limit to how much I can write for it, since it'll be following the events of _Hellsing Abridged_, and that series updates VERY slowly (literally only one new episode a year, I think). So, I'll write it until it's up to the end of Episode 4 of _Hellsing Abridged_ (the newest one, for now), and then it'll just be on hiatus until the next episode comes out. So, for now, enjoy the story!_

_I greatly appreciate receiving feedback on my writing, so if anyone has a question or comment regarding this chapter or the story as a whole, please review! (No hate, please; that's not fun for me or for anyone else who has to read it.)_

_See you all next time!_


	2. Taking the Shot

**Disclaimer**

**(Edward [with absolutely no emotion whatsoever]): "The following is a non-profit, fan-based parody. Dragon Ball, Dragon Ball Z, Dragon Ball GT and their respective franchises are the property of Funimation, Toei Animation, Fuji TV and Akira Toriyama. Hellsing Ultimate is owned by Koura Hirano and Studio Madhouse, and licensed by Geneon, Madman Entertainment, Manga Entertainment, and Funimation. Dragon Ball Z Abridged and Hellsing Ultimate Abridged are the property of TeamFourStar and Takahata101. Please support the official and unofficial release."**

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**Chapter 2: Taking the Shot**

_Headquarters of the Hellsing Organization_

_Planet Earth, Hellsing Universe, 2006_

"So, that's your field report?" Sir Integra Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing inquired over the phone.

"Yep," Alucard replied promptly.

"You went on a walk through the forest at midnight."

"Yep."

"You killed a homicidal vampire priest…"

"Dead."

"You brought three unauthorized personnel back to the base."

Alucard glanced over to where Vegeta, Piccolo and Trunks, along with the police girl, were seated on some armchairs that he'd brought out for them. "Yep."

"And you turned someone into a vampire, who happened to be a…"

"_Big-tittied police girl_; yes, it's like I didn't just get through explaining this. Now, if you don't mind, I've got things to do."

"What things?" Integra asked incredulously. "You don't _do things!_"

"Yes, I do. I take enthusiastic walks through the woods."

"And kill homicidal vampire priests?"

"_Very_ enthusiastic walks."

"Oh, forget it." With that, Integra hung up.

Alucard grinned, setting the phone down and turning back to his guests. "I love it when she gets like that. So, anyway, as I was saying before… welcome to the Hellsing Organization."

Trunks looked around the large room with interest. "What is this place?" he asked.

"A top-secret government operation, dedicated to dealing with various different threats to the world," Alucard explained. "Most of those threats are supernatural in nature, which is where I come in."

"Well, that's great, but we've got a problem," Piccolo interrupted. "We need to figure out what the hell happened to the three of us, and how we got here."

"'Here' meaning what, exactly?" Alucard inquired. "I mean, are we talking about this organization, England, Earth, what?"

"The hell is England?" Vegeta interrupted.

Alucard raised an eyebrow. "England? The country? The one that we're all currently in?"

Piccolo and Trunks exchanged a glance.

"Nope, never heard of it," Piccolo replied. "Would you happen to know where a place called Gingertown is, though? That's where we were headed before… well, before whatever the hell that was happened."

"Sorry, no, I've never heard of a 'Gingertown'," Alucard answered.

Piccolo's eyes narrowed. _Huh. Countries we've never heard of before… there are monsters and vampires here, and the people are completely different from what I'm familiar with… it went from day to night in a split second when we were transported here… and I can't sense any of our friends' energy signatures anywhere on the planet._

"_So… what does that mean?"_ Nail's voice echoed in his head.

_No idea,_ Piccolo thought flatly, _but it can't be good._

"Well, anyway," Alucard continued, "until we can figure out how to get you three back to wherever you belong, you're welcome to stay here. We can always use the help; our personnel keep… well, dying."

"Oh, great," Trunks muttered.

"Yeah, sure, why not?" Vegeta replied casually.

Trunks's eyes widened. "Wait, what?"

Piccolo blinked. "Wait, what?"

Vegeta shrugged. "It's not like we have anything better to do, until we can figure out what the hell happened to us."

Alucard grinned. "Oh, this is going to be _great_."

.

**One Week Later**

Vegeta found himself standing outside a large mansion. The moon gleamed silver in the sky overhead.

"So, why are we here again?" he asked.

"There are a couple of so-called vampires living in this place," Alucard replied casually. "Integra wants us to take them out."

"All right, then." Vegeta was wearing a new outfit that had been designed in an attempt to blend in, since his Saiyan battle armor was very distinctive. It consisted of loose-fitting black pants, a black tank top, and a long black trenchcoat. Due to his rather short height, they'd had to find him a medium-sized trenchcoat so it wouldn't trail on the ground, but this one was perfect, coming down to just below his ankles.

Normally, Vegeta would have strongly protested against any change to his attire, but once they'd actually shown him the outfit, he'd been quite enthusiastic about it. In his words, "it looked badass".

"So, how are we supposed to do this?" Vegeta glanced up at the windows. "Do we just kick in the door?"

Alucard smirked. "No, no, no. Trust me, I have a _much_ better way of handling this." He strolled nonchalantly up to the front door; Vegeta followed behind him. Trunks and Seras (aka "the Police Girl") had been sent up to the roof, while Piccolo was hovering over the house, keeping an eye out for anyone attempting to flee the mansion.

When he reached the door, Alucard paused, apparently listening to something inside the house. He glanced back and motioned for Vegeta to come closer. "Come here," he muttered gleefully, chuckling under his breath. "You have to hear this."

Somewhat hesitantly, the Saiyan prince made his way over to the doorway and placed one ear against the wood, listening closely. At first, he didn't hear anything. After a few seconds, though, he managed to pick up the muffled sounds of voices coming from inside the mansion. Once the voices became audible, he raised an eyebrow in surprise.

"…Oh, yes…" a female voice was murmuring. "I love you, Edward!"

"And I… love you… Bella." This voice, presumably belonging to Edward, was quite possibly the most robotic, emotionless voice imaginable.

"Okay, that has _got_ to be on purpose," Alucard whispered. "I don't even know any vampires who could sound that dead without putting in some serious effort."

"So what are we doing?" Vegeta hissed back. "I could just blow up the house…"

"Nah." Alucard shook his head. "I've got a better idea." He then proceeded to deliver four loud knocks on the front door.

Vegeta sighed. "You cannot be serious."

"No, shut up, this is going to be great."

"Hold on," Edward intoned, walking towards the front door. "Who is it?" This last one sounded a bit more active.

"Oh, you know…" In a blur of motion, Alucard drew his oversized pistol, pointing it at the door at chest height, and started pulling the trigger repeatedly as quickly as possible.

Several dozen bullets tore through the door in less than ten seconds. A series of agonized screams echoed from the hallway, followed by the sound of a body crumpling to the floor.

When he heard the body fall, Alucard finally stopped firing. He lowered his pistol and grinned. "A _real_ fucking vampire."

Vegeta was staring wide-eyed at the vampire.

"This is going to be a beautiful friendship," he muttered.

.

"_Hey, Police Girl, do you have the target?"_ Alucard's voice asked over the headset radio.

Seras Victoria was lying flat on the roof of the mansion, gazing down the barrel of the massive sniper rifle that she'd been given for this mission. In the distance, Bella was racing frantically down the middle of the road.

Trunks, who was crouched on the roof nearby, was trying to focus on the target, so that he could take Bella out with an energy blast in the event that Seras's shot missed. However, he was finding it difficult to maintain his attention. This was due to the fact that Seras was currently facing away from him and bent over, while wearing an oddly short skirt. She didn't seem to have any idea that it was bothering him, but since Trunks was only about eighteen years old, it was definitely making it hard for him to concentrate on the mission.

Upon receiving the signal, she sat up, frowning. "Okay, Master? My _name_ is Seras." Leaning back down, she looked into the scope, refocusing on Bella. "And yes, I have the target in sight."

"_Well, better take the shot; you're letting her get away."_

"If you'd just give me a second to concentrate, I could–"

"She's getting away," Alucard interrupted, appearing on the roof directly behind them with Vegeta in tow. "She's _running_…"

Seras's eyes glowed, changing from their normal blue to a bright, blood-red. "I get it! I'm lining up the–"

"Going to miss it, going to miss it!" Alucard chanted, grinning.

"_Just be quiet and let me–_"

"Hey, Police Girl! Hey! _Hey, Police Girl!_"

With a snarl, Seras pulled the trigger. A loud _boom_ echoed across the rooftop, as the huge gun jolted backwards against its firer.

About half a mile up the road, Bella's torso abruptly exploded as the high-caliber bullet tore straight through her. The woman's body pitched forward, crashing to the ground and skidding for a few yards before she came to a halt.

"_There!_" Seras yelled. "I took the fucking shot! She's dead, there's blood everywhere!"

Trunks's jaw was hanging open. "Um…"

Alucard's grin widened, if such a thing were possible. "Oh, you are just a treat."

.

_Headquarters of the Hellsing Organization_

"So that's your field report?" Integra asked again, using exactly the same tone that she'd used the previous week.

"Yep," Alucard replied.

"So you broke into the house…"

"Yep."

"And you shot him thirty-six times."

"Thirty-_seven_," Alucard corrected.

"_And_ took out his partner."

"To be fair, that was the Police Girl. With the big titties."

Integra sighed. "You _need_ to stop going on walks."

"And _you_ need to hurry up and hook up some goddamn DSL in here!"

Trunks looked up. "You don't have an Internet connection?"

Piccolo's eyes widened. "_You don't have an Internet connection?_"

"Oh, for God's sake, just _listen!_" Integra snapped. "You have an assignment in Ireland."

"Ooh, I've never hunted down a leprechaun before." A smirk flickered across the vampire's face. "Do you think if I shot one with my gun, Lucky Charms would explode everywhere?"

Vegeta burst out laughing.

"Sweet Christ," Integra muttered. "Just get to Ireland, kill the vampire who's taken over the hospital… and bring the Police Girl and your other three friends with you."

"Aw, come on, I have to bring them _everywhere!_" Alucard complained.

"Ah, ah, ah, none of the sass."

"Yes, _Mom._" Alucard hung up the phone and turned to the others, grinning. "So, who's up for a trip to Ireland?"

"Where's that?" Piccolo asked.

"You know, this thing about you three not knowing anything about the world is starting to get annoying. Remind me to make sure Integra gets that damn DSL installed, so I can show you some Google Earth photos. In the meantime, though…" Alucard spread his arms wide. "Let's go kill some vampires!"

.

_Italy…_

The peaceful, warm afternoon did not distract either of the men standing on the large lawn outside their church. One of them was tall and muscular, with spiked-up blonde hair, a gray trenchcoat, and shining, mirror-like sunglasses. The other was much older, nearly bald, but his keen dark eyes contained an acute intelligence.

"So, what can I do for you, Father O'Mally'O'Connel'O'Carrol'O'Brian'O'Sullivan, who is also Italian?" the younger man inquired.

"Tell-a me, Anderson," his older counterpart replied conversationally. "What is your favorite thing to do?"

Alexander Anderson smiled. "Spreadin' the word and love of Jesus Christ to the many people of the world, teaching peace and love for all!"

"And-a killing-a vampires?"

"Ah, just try to fuckin' stop me!" Anderson answered gleefully.

"And what about… Protestants?"

"Second verse, same as the first!" The Paladin's eyes gleamed with a dangerous light. "Now put me on a plane, so I can put 'em in a hearse!"

.

Trunks and Seras sat outside the door of an abandoned hospital wing in Ireland. The sounds of gunfire, energy blasts, and snarls echoed from behind the door.

"Hey, Police Girl!" Alucard called from the other side of the closed doors. "_Police Girl!_ This is awesome! You should totally join in! Seriously, there's like… forty zombies in here! Just one shot to the head and they _explode!_" There was another gunshot, followed by a splattering sound. "This is like House of the Dead, only… like a hundred times more awesome!"

"Come on, Trunks!" Vegeta called. "Don't be a pansy; get in here and bust some heads! You're supposed to be a Saiyan; act like it for once in your life!"

"Oh, for the love of…" Trunks clenched his hands into fists and glanced over at Seras.

She shrugged. "Might as well."

The adolescent half-Saiyan sighed. "Whatever."

A powerful _kiai_ from Trunks smashed the doors off their hinges, sending them crashing back against the walls.

Seras tuck-and-rolled through the space where the doors had been into the room beyond, with Trunks rushing through right behind her. She shifted into a crouching position, propping herself up on one knee, and yelled, "Fine, I'll shoot some-o' the rotten bastards!" Taking aim, she muttered, "Can't be that much fun," and fired, blowing one of the zombies' heads off.

Her eyes flashed red. "Oh, fuck the hell _yes._"

She became a blur of motion, firing repeatedly, each shot ripping through one of the zombies. Her fangs were bared, and her eyes blazed crimson.

Alucard, Vegeta, Piccolo, and Trunks were momentarily dumbstruck, watching as Seras tore through the rest of the zombies as if they were made of paper.

After about twenty seconds, it was over. Seras came to a stop, crushing the last remaining zombie's skull under her foot. Her hands were covered in blood, and she was breathing heavily, but exhilarated.

"Sweet Black fucking Sabbath," Alucard said to himself, taking a step forward. "If I wasn't holding out for that beast of a woman Integra–" _Mainly because I want to prove that she even _has_ a sex drive,_ he reminded himself. "–I'd fuck the red right out of those eyes."

Trunks felt a burst of irritation at that remark, but he wasn't sure why.

As Seras lifted one hand to her face, about to lick some of the blood off her palm, there was a blur of movement, and a glowing blue blade stabbed straight through her chest. A moment later, half a dozen more blades drove through her torso alongside the first.

"Seras!" Trunks yelled in horror.

Piccolo flinched back. "What the hell?!"

"Well, kinda like that," Alucard remarked, "only with less symbolism and more my penis in your vagina."

The sound of footsteps, coming from down the long, darkened hallway, drew their attention.

"Huh?" Alucard turned, inhaling a deep breath of air. "Suddenly it reeks of hypocrisy in here."

As they watched, a tall man rounded the corner. He had tan skin and spiked-up, dirty-blonde hair, and was wearing a large, dark gray trenchcoat and round glasses that glowed blue. He carried a glowing blue sword in one hand, and he wore a golden cross necklace around his neck.

"Oh, if it isn't the Catholic Church," Alucard remarked with a faint grin. "And what's this? No Little Timmy glued to your crotch. _Progress._"

"Ah, look at what we have here?" the stranger shot back with a cruel grin. "A bloody heathen!" His voice was heavily accented.

Alucard's eyes narrowed behind the glowing orange lenses of his glasses. "Excuse me, but I am a _fuckmothering vampire._ I've killed a _lot_ of people to get this title; I deserve to be called such."

The stranger raised an eyebrow. "Well, then. Mind if I ask you your name?"

"Only if you give yours first, papist."

"Ooh, good one," Piccolo commented under his breath.

"_Do you mind?"_ Kami's voice spoke up in his head.

_Oh, shut up,_ Piccolo thought.

"Fine," the stranger replied, ignoring the Namekian's internal dialogue. "I'll give you the courtesy." His eyes narrowed. "The name's Alexander Anderson."

There was a brief pause.

"So are we supposed to clap, or something?" Vegeta asked.

Anderson grinned savagely. "You have been chosen to reveal my existence to the world!" With a flourish, he yanked one of his other swords out of Seras's back and brandished both weapons. "You will witness what happens here today, and you will tell of it later!" He held up both weapons, clashing their blades together with a ringing _clang_ to form a cross-shape, and then twisted the blades, causing them to scrape against each other and throw off sparks and crackling arcs of electricity. "Except you won't! 'Cause I'll have killed ya!" He burst out laughing, the sound echoing throughout the abandoned building.

Alucard raised an eyebrow, unmoved. "Oh, my. Brilliant speech… and unoriginal. That's totally from Boondock Saints."

Anderson's eyes widened. "What?! No, it isn't! I came up with that a week ago!"

"Whatever."

"We're here for the vampire," Vegeta spoke up. "Any idea where he is?"

"The only one left here is your sorry pale arse," Anderson shot back, indicating Alucard.

Seras gasped, blood gurgling, as Trunks began pulling the remaining swords out of her back.

"Yeah, yeah, give me a minute," Alucard replied with a glance in her direction, before turning back to face Anderson. "So what do you want, anyway? The nearest elementary school is at least ten kilometers away."

Piccolo winced. "_Ouch._"

Anderson didn't bother reacting to the insult. "It is your corrupt I claim!" He advanced, holding both swords out to the sides with the blades pointing downward. "It is your evil that will be sought by me with every breath!"

"_Boondock. Saints._ Seriously, you must watch that movie religiously." Alucard chuckled. "Heh. Get it?"

"Okay, ya know what? Fuck it. Knife."

Alucard frowned. "Knife?"

Abruptly, there was a blur of motion from Anderson, and a large knife buried itself in Alucard's chest, just below his collarbone. Blood spurted, and he staggered.

"Master!" Seras gasped, horrified, as Trunks pulled out the last sword.

Alucard took a step backwards, but didn't bother reaching for the knife. Instead, he drew his oversized pistol at super-speed, raising it to point directly at Anderson. "Boom." He fired, the bullet hitting the Paladin directly in the forehead and blowing a hole through his skull.

Anderson crumpled to the floor without a sound.

"Headshot," Alucard finished. Holstering his gun, he yanked the knife out of his chest and tossed it to the floor, the wound healing instantly.

Trunks helped Seras to her feet. "Are you okay?" he asked.

Seras nodded. "Yeah… yeah, I'm fine."

"Well, now that that's over," Alucard said conversationally as he turned back to them, "how about we go back to my place for a bowl of my favorite cereal, Count Choc–"

There was another blur of blue light, and a glowing sword sliced straight through Alucard's neck, decapitating him. His headless body collapsed.

"_Master!_" Seras cried in disbelief.

"Well," Anderson said in satisfaction as the bullet hole in his forehead healed and disappeared, "now that that's over, how about we go back to my place for a bowl of my favorite cereal, Frankenberr–" He turned, his eyes widening in surprise as he realized that all four of the others were gone. "Oh, _son of a Protestant whore!_"

He sighed. "Well, you know what time it is!" He entered a fighting stance, raising both swords, and took off into the darkness with a wild grin on his face.

.

"See?" Seras murmured under her breath as she carried Alucard's severed head along one of the hospital's dark hallways, leaning on Trunks's shoulder to support herself. "This kind of shit is why I stopped going to church."

"Dad, do you remember where we came in here?" Trunks called.

"How the hell should I know?" Vegeta snapped. "I was a little too busy killing zombies!"

"You know, you two might want to be quiet," Piccolo interrupted. "In case you forgot, that guy's behind us somewhere."

Unbeknownst to any of them, Alucard was actually still conscious. _Hmm… how should I handle this?_

A grin appeared on his face, although it was only for an instant before he returned to a blank expression. _Now _that_ sounds good._

_Police Girl…_ he murmured telepathically. _Poliiiice Girrrl. You are reading your Master's miiind. Put my heeaad between your booooobs._

"I'm all alone," Seras whispered to herself as the three others continued arguing. She hugged Alucard's head to her chest. "The only one I had left was you."

For a moment, Alucard was astonished. _That actually worked?!_ Then he grinned again, since no one could see his face at the moment, and continued, his telepathic "voice" now muffled. _Very good. Now the next thing I want you to do is, put me between your leegs–_

_Thwack._ Abruptly, a knife hit his severed head, hurling him out of Seras's arms and impaling him into the wall. _God damn it!_

Vegeta, Piccolo, Trunks and Seras whipped around.

"It's a shame, for ya lost your head. A careless vampire who wound up dead." Anderson slunk out of the shadows, both swords drawn, and a smirk on his face. "You wore your sin like it was some kind of prize. Too many lies… too many lies."

_What do I do? What do I do?!_ Seras thought desperately. _I… I could try seducing him. Wait, no! I'm not an eight-year-old boy! Shit!_

"Say your prayers, wee lass!" Anderson raised both swords to strike.

Trunks gritted his teeth, drawing a fist back and taking a step forward. Before he could power up and attack, however, the Paladin swung his swords down… only to have them interrupted by a salvo of bullets that shattered both blades before they could hit Seras.

"That girl belongs to me," Integra's voice rang out coolly.

_Whoa_, Vegeta thought appreciatively. _She'd definitely get along with Bulma._

"Well, aren't _you_ the naughty one," Anderson commented as he turned to face her, discarding his broken swords.

"Don't make me shoot you in the fucking head." Clearly, Integra was in no mood for casual conversation.

"What the hell do you want, ya crazy Protestant bastard?"

Her eyes narrowed. "I'm a _woman_."

"Call yourself whatever ya want, ya crazy Protestant bastard!"

"You do know, this is a grave violation of our agreement," Integra stated, as two Hellsing operatives in dark suits took up positions behind her.

"And what part would that be?"

"The part where you're _here_, killing my men!"

In a blur of motion, Anderson drew two more swords from inside his trenchcoat. With two swift blows, he beheaded both of the Hellsing guards flanking Integra, and then drove one of the swords point-first into the wall next to her head, resting the other blade across her throat. "I have no idea what yer on about!" he replied, his glasses only a few inches from her eyes. "I'm just here doin' my job! Killin' vampires and werewolves and leprechauns… I've never actually found one, but do ye think if I cut one open with my knife, it would spill out Lucky Charms?"

"Just shut up!" Integra snapped, still totally unafraid. "Where the hell is Alucard?"

"Oh, him?" Anderson chuckled. "I _killed_ him!"

Integra's eyes widened in surprise. "Killed him?"

"Cut off his bloody head!"

"Oh." She seemed relieved, and a grin actually appeared on her face. "Well, that's step one. What about two through ten?"

"Wait, what?" Vegeta asked.

"Wait, what?" Piccolo's eyes widened.

Anderson grimaced. "Ah, Christ!" Before he could do anything else, Trunks's fist slammed into his face, causing him to lose his grip on the sword that was stuck in the wall and sending him tumbling over backwards, away from Integra.

A rushing sound drew their attention to the other side of the hallway, just in time to see Alucard's severed head rise off the floor amid a vortex of swirling shadows. A neck and torso quickly grew down from the base of his head, followed by legs. His arms regenerated last, swiftly extending out to their full length.

"Wow," Piccolo muttered. "I don't think even _I_ could do that."

Alucard's glowing red eyes fixed on Anderson. "You done goofed."

Anderson, who had just picked himself up from Trunks's attack, was gawking incredulously at the resurrected vampire. "How the blood-soaked Protestant Hell did ya do that?!" he spluttered.

"Fuck you, that's how," Alucard replied promptly.

"Ya know what? I've had enough o' this." Anderson pulled a copy of the Bible out of his trenchcoat with his free hand and flipped it open. The book began to glow, and several hundred luminous pages flew out of it, swirling around him. "To Hell with all ya dirty heathens!"

With a flash of light, he vanished into thin air.

Alucard grinned. "Eat me! Don't forget to write!" he called after the departed Paladin.

"Oh, my god." Seras fell to her knees, clutching her sniper rifle. "We survived!"

"Hey, didn't you drop that earlier?" Piccolo inquired.

"Hey, check this out," Trunks interrupted him, pulling the sword that Anderson had dropped from the wall and holding it up. "Neat." He swung it a few times, getting the feel for it. "I could use a new sword, since the androids broke my old one before we were transported here." He glanced over to Integra. "Mind if I keep this one?"

She shrugged. "Sure, why not?"

Alucard chose that moment to speak up. "So…"

Integra scowled. "What?"

"Do I get to go after him?"

"No."

"Aw, come on!"

"No, and that's _final!_ We've got bigger things to worry about." Integra looked at each member of the group in turn. "Whoever's behind these vampire attacks, it has to be some kind of large, organized group."

Alucard raised a hand. "Like the Nazis?"

"That would be retarded."

.

_Meanwhile…_

Hundreds of soldiers in black uniforms stood in a neat formation within a huge room. A large swastika symbol was emblazoned on the center of the floor.

A single figure sat in a large chair on a dais at the front of the room. "Gentlemen…" he began, in a high-pitched voice. "Ve… are Nazis."

"_Seig Heil! Sieg Heil!_" the soldiers chanted.

"Und ve… vill have waaar."

"_Sieg Heil! Sieg Heil!_"

The leader's yellow eyes gleamed. "Und ve… und ve… achoo!"

"_Gesundheit! Gesundheit!_"

.

_And here we are again. Hello, everyone! I hope you all enjoyed the newest chapter of _An Unusual Alliance_! Sorry to those who may have wanted more participation from the three Z-Fighters in this chapter, but don't worry, they'll become more involved as the story goes on._

_Shoutouts to TehUnoman, Chooch77, HeavyJ15, jhud, KUMA-Fury19, and Ulquiorra Schiffer 007 for reviewing! You guys are awesome!_

_As always, I tremendously appreciate receiving feedback on my work, so if anyone has any questions or comments regarding this chapter or the story as a whole, please review!_

_Next chapter, an attack on the Hellsing Organization forces the team to confront a new enemy, and Piccolo realizes that their group may not be the only people to have been drawn across the boundary between universes… stay tuned!_

_See you all next time!_

_Review Q&A:_

_Q: …If TFS doesn't notice this, I'm going to be outright pissed…_

_A: Um… thanks? Depending on whether you meant that in a good way?_

_Q: Oh, this is going to be good. Please continue it!_

_A: Thanks, I'm glad you like it!_

_Q: __AWESOME STORY! CANT WAIT FOR ALUCARD AND HIS NEW KILLING BUDDIES TO BLOW SHIT UP. ALSO CAN YOU MAKE IT SO TRUNKS FUCKS SERAS!? I WANNA READ ABOUT VAMPIRE SAYIAN HYBRIDS! Sorry about the caps I used my AluCARD to much and it corrupted me. Hehheh. CANT WAIT TO READ MORE ABOUT THE CRIMSON FUCKER!_

_A: Well, I'm glad you're enjoying the story so far. Hmm… will Trunks and Seras be a thing? Maybe!_

_Q: Muahahahahahahahahaha, the evil carnage._

_A: I'm… not sure how to respond to that._

_Q: __Oh I love this! I'm a big fan of TeamFourStar, of course Hellsing Ultimate Abridged & Dragon Ball Z Abridged too, so having you combine the two is just awesome. Especially Alucard and Vegeta, this is going to be so much fun. Can't wait for a new chapter!_

_A: Yeah, I love both of those series too; that's why I decided to write this story, once I saw that nobody else was writing a crossover between them. And yeah, the banter between Alucard and Vegeta is going to be awesome._

_Q: awesome! Very nice story! I like it! Your writing skills are very impressive! And don't u dare leave this story hanging! Plz update soon!_

_A: Thanks!_


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